Weird as it may sound, there’s a skill to arguing and a lot of people don’t know that. It’s one of the reasons why people choose to be avoidant instead of confronting issues as they appear. For them arguing has to involve emotional outbursts like yelling, cursing, crying, etc. Not only is that not healthy, but more often than not, it doesn’t get you the results you’re looking for.
It’s not wrong to have arguments in your relationship. You cannot agree every time. Arguments give you the chance to see the other person, convince, be won over or even reach a compromise. It’s not about who can yell the loudest or pass the most blame.
If you want to argue for results and in a healthy fashion, here’s what to do-
1. Plan for it: a great way to prepare for a healthy and productive argument is to plan for it. Try to find the right time to raise your argument. Think about what you want to say. Thinking ahead will help you during an argument to make your point without attacking your partner. Finding the right time also makes the other person more willing to listen.
2. Employ active listening: on listening, try to listen actively. Sometimes arguments escalate when the other party doesn’t feel heard. Give them your full attention, that’s not the time to answer a phone call or watch TV. Maintain eye contact and let them talk.
3. Don’t nag. Ask: some people default to complaining when they start arguing. When you say things like “you never do XYZ. I say this all the time but you always…” you’re complaining. Instead of doing that you could ask. E.g. “Could you do XYZ more often?” or “I’d appreciate it if you could do XYZ this week” People don’t respond well to “blame”, so asking nicely will mostly cut your arguments in half.
4. Try to understand: make the effort to understand your partner’s point of view. If it’s a recurring argument, you need to drill down to the root cause. Why does it keep coming up? Do you have a stark difference in personalities or is either of you simply too stubborn to let go? Being genuinely interested in solving the problem will have a positive impact on the outcome of your arguments.
5. Take a break: there’s a time to talk and a time to stop. If things are getting too heated and there seems to be no end to your argument, it could get ugly. Take a time out. Get some air and simply reschedule, but you must come back together to resolve the issue. Taking a break may not solve the problem immediately, but it’ll keep the argument healthy.
Are you struggling with arguing productively?
Reach out to meet with me personally, for a 90-minute Life & Love Transformation session. Let’s get to the root of the issues and discuss the solutions to starting your Healing Journey to Creating the Life You Desire & Having the Love You Deserve!
Get details here – https://RianaMilne.com/session.