7/01/21 – Healing a Negative, Fear-based  Money Mentality

Many of us (me included at one time) have a Negative – fear-based mentality around money. This is a definite part of Childhood Trauma and early messaging; and like all Childhood Trauma, this can change and be healed.

I’m always so proud of my clients who decide to say YES! to themselves and invest in Coaching – knowing they want and need it so badly, and this is the first, important big step to stopping this toxic pattern that keeps so many stuck in life, from incredible growth, and from truly being happy. Together we do heal this for good, and so many have excelled in reaching their goals and dreams because they no longer have a “lack mindset.”

There are 3 stages of learning your messaging around money –

1)     Age 0-7 as a young child you absorb and interpret the good around having money, or the bad about having a lack of it. Children observe and listen to what their parents are saying about money. If there is a lack of it, or a lot of fighting about it, the child learns early on money is scares, and starts to crave security.

2)     Age 7-14 – Our brain starts programing the messages learned earlier and continues to “collect evidence” that what they feel about money (there is a lack of it) is true. The RAS – Reticular Activation System of the brain, sees “evidence” that this is true for you – making you “right”. This becomes your story of – “this is the way it is” and this is true about money and love.

     These are the same type of patterns around love.

      During both of the above stages, if you have suffered any loss – you lost everything due to a house fire (this shock and trauma are VERY deep if you witnessed the losses visually), a burglary or someone stealing from you, parents worried they can’t pay the family bills, a parent’s job loss and arguing around that, or you were not allowed to have things you desired or needed to feel good or fit in (being told you are selfish for wanting these things – or you don’t need them) – this leads to craving security, feeling guilt around spending money for yourself, and again the message – “There is not enough money to feel safe and secure, and I should not spend it on things I really need or desire. I can wait.”

3) After age 21 – the 3 layers of messaging from family/parents, society, and your own beliefs that go on in your brain over and over, lead to mistrust, feeling violated, or guilt about overspending on something you desire or need.

       Some other Negative, Fear-based Money Memory Messages are –

·       You have to save and not spend money (never take vacations, buy what you need or desire, or invest in your growth – keeping you stuck and unhappy)

·       There is never enough (Leading you to fear and have great anxiety about spending money)

·       Loss of your possessions or you experienced a theft (I need security – money will buy me that, and I have to be careful to protect it and not trust anyone with it)

·       I need to marry someone with money (If you are a woman your parents taught you a wealthy man is a “good man”, will bring you security, and is a source of pride.)

·     I have to be ambitious and buy things to be a proper husband (the male is taught “to be real man” he must provide, and buy things for his wife and family to be considered “successful”

Some men are threatened by a successful woman if she earns more, or has more status than he does, often leading him to jealousy, control, or cheating with a “less successful” woman to build his ego.

Or, he wants a woman to only support his ego and success; this often leads a woman to “playing small” or putting her goals and aspirations “on hold.” These messages were often spoken to her as a child – (the woman takes the back seat to the man, his career is more important). This pattern leads many women to feel guilty about doing anything nice for themselves.

Either way, both partners usually end up unhappy when money is the main focus – or stress – of the relationship due to past messaging.

 It’s important to break the childhood stories and norms around money. This Trauma Pattern will keep you stuck and anxious around money forever unless you consciously change it.

Not spending on you reinforces that “you are not worthy of investing or treating yourself to something” or – “You are selfish for desiring something just for you – it has to be for your kids, your partner or something else.”

Almost ALL my clients have negative money stories. They feel guilt around investing in themselves for Coaching (even fully knowing that Coaching with me is a complete Tax deduction over many years – making it technically FREE!)

I recognize this is part of their Childhood Trauma patterns that we have to fix. The FIRST Step is learning to say YES! to yourself – and feel GOOD about it! The money we earn to to help us ENJOY life, Growth personally and in our businesses, and to bring even more happiness and wealth into our lives. Karma wise – when you donate or invest in one place, more comes back to you.

 And this happens over and over again with my clients. Once they say YES! to changing their Childhood Trauma patterns for good, they start feeling so much healthier, happier, with more energy, focus, increased self-esteem and confidence. Their income goes up, or they get that job they really love, they buy that dream house, or take that vacation to Europe they dreamed of forever! They learn that to heal those negative, fear-based messages around money to taking the leap of faith by saying “YES – I deserve This!” puts them in more control of their life (vs. someone saying they are not allowed to have it, or don’t deserve to have it – or to feel ashamed for wanting it) which in turn, brings more wealth into their lives. It ends the messaging of “I’m not good enough” or “I need to work harder and just save so I have security.”

Many of us Baby boomers watched our parents work constantly, saving everything, and never enjoying themselves, or take a vacation, to die an early death due to stress. They grew up in the great depression, and  we always heard “Thee is not enough money and other lack messages.”

This is a Trauma I have learned to fight within myself, and saying YES! to myself has lead me to working with amazing coaches to grow my business, to taking world vacations that are some of my happiest memories, to spending more quality time with my kids and partner, and to enjoying life so much more. It is indeed part of “The Mindset for Success” that my clients learn in their Life & Love Transformation Coaching.

What do you need to say YES! to today? What can you treat yourself with that makes you feel proud of a job well done, or on something you desired for a while, or to bring better mental and physical health and a quality of life for you?

Don’t delay. Now is the Time. Life is a precious gift, and as they say “This is no Dress Rehearsal.” I learned at 16 when my best friend was killed in a car crash, that we don’t know how much time we have. I encourage you to GO FOR IT, Enjoy Life to the Best of Your Ability, and to say YES! More often for the things you want and need and especially, to Create the Life You Desire.

If you have been wanting to experience the Joy and Amazing Growth and Transformation that Life, Love Trauma Recovery & Mindset Coaching can do for you, but you “put yourself on hold saying “You were going to wait” – let me ask you; are you better off today not getting what you truly wanted, or are you still stuck in negativity, anxiety, bouts of depression, unhappiness and a fear-based mindset?

Take the first step – meet with me for a Life & Love Transformation Discovery session to get to the root of your issues. If you have already done one, and want to talk to me about the best fit of a program for your personal needs, EMAIL ME and we’ll set a time to talk and get you started on your personal journey of healing.

Riana Milne holds a Triple Master’s Degree in Applied Clinical & Counseling Psychology and has taught Personal Transformation and Successful Mindset strategies for over 40 years. A Professional Counselor for over 21 years at her practice, Therapy by the Sea, Riana has been Coaching since 2010 globally with her company, Lessons in Life & Love Coaching LLC. Riana helps clients to face their fears, rid ongoing anxiety, and overcome depression while healing from negative behavioral patterns due to past Unconscious Childhood or Love Trauma. Healing begins by changing the physical and psychological impact of trauma on the brain and body, as well as emotional triggers that occur in relationships. Holistic Spiritual Conscious “Mindset for Success” strategies are taught to increase one’s self-esteem and confidence leading to achievement in all life areas; including love and family relationships. Riana Coaches Singles and Couples (women, men, Straight & LGBTQ clients) the Psychology and Art of Attracting an Emotionally Healthy and Evolved Partner, and having Sustainable, Loving Relationships so her clients Create the Life They Desire and Have the Love They Deserve!

 Books:

LIVE Beyond Your Dreams – from Fear & Doubt to Personal Power,
Purpose & Success; by Riana Milne & Alexi Panos  http://bit.ly/LIVEbook

LOVE Beyond Your Dreams – Break Free of Toxic Relationships to Have the
Love You Deserve http://bit.ly/RianasLOVEbook

Resource for this article: Kine Corder, Financial Advisor and Hypnotherapist to Heal Money Traumas