What Creates Happiness? Riana Milne, LMHC, CAP, Cert. Life & Relationship Coach
Everyone says they “just want to be happy” but what does that look like for you? You will notice that an area of life that you are incredibly happy about matches where you expect yourself to be; or that you reached a certain goal or dream about it. Happiness and life fulfillment comes when all your life areas, relationships and work are well balanced and rewarding. Many people never stop to really define their goals and dreams in all their life spheres – leading to stagnation.
Unhappiness comes when you feel stuck and don’t know how to move towards your purpose in life – or – you feel you have no choice over your partner’s behaviors and actions. Suffering happens when your life situation does not match your dreams. You feel you don’t have the control, knowledge, or energy to change it – often leading to depression, stress and anxiety.
Many may self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, sex, or other addictions which may bring a temporary high and artificial happiness, but leads to destruction. They rarely give thought to the WHY their addictions happened in the first place, or never started the steps to change and improve their thought processes, mind-set, actions and relationships completely.
It is essential that you start today to create the life and relationship dynamic that matches your vision. Goal setting and learning the Watch Me! Mind-set which includes positive self-talk helps keep you moving in a forward direction towards your defined purpose and dreams.
Memorizing The 4 Questions for choices and actions helps keep you away from destructive and negative consequences that block your personal and relationship success. The Four questions you must ask before doing any action are the following:
1. Will this Choice or Action Hurt ME in any way? If this choice or action will hurt you, be destructive, lead to guilt or regret – STOP. And “if in doubt, go without!”
2. Will this Choice/Action Hurt the One I Love? If you do anything in secret – that is a lack of integrity, leading to hurting your partner and yourself. Remember the wonderful “Golden Rule” – “Do unto Others as You Would Have Done unto you.” It is also known as “bad Karma” to do something that will harm another, and harm will return onto you. Do the right things by your partner, and your confidence in your acts of kindness will be evident.
3. Will this Choice/Action Hurt my Children or Extended Family? Too many divorces happen when one partner goes outside of the partnership for attention or romance. If they would have instead been brave enough to face their partner and say, “I’m not happy and we need to get help now….” and hire a Relationship Coach, it could have saved another family. The union will not work when one person acts in integrity and the other does not. Both parties have to think and behave as “It’s You and Me Against the World!” meaning your choices always have your partner in mind and they will benefit you both in positive ways.
4. Will this Choice/Action Hurt my Reputation on my Job or in the Community? It is selfish and Narcissistic to “do what you want because it feels good” and any negative choices that are secretive are sure to damage your partner and your reputation. If you have an affair or an addiction, it always comes first – before your partner and your children, leading to destroying your family. Simply thinking before acting and asking yourself “Is this Choice or Action for the good of ALL?” will save a lot of heartache and relationship pain. It is one of the core pieces of the emotionally healthy, Evolved Relationship.
Living consciously means to monitor your choices BEFORE you make them. This cuts down on impulsivity leading to regret and shame, which destroys relationships. Being empowered and happy begins with each thought and action. When you take the time to feel confident before acting, it raises your self-esteem. Be a fully responsible partner and take complete ownership of all actions.
What area of your Life are you not feeling happy? Is this because you feel it doesn’t match your belief about where you should be now? What can you do to accept responsibility and set in motion the things needed to be improved? The meaning you attach to your current life situation is huge. Realize the negatives of the past are lessons that had to be learned. Have gratitude for the good things you have now, and be assured that anything undesirable can be transformed. Focus on what you need to change in yourself and start enjoying the process of evolving into someone amazingly happy!
Let go of the “I should have had that years ago” or “If I didn’t make that bad choice, I wouldn’t be where I am now.” Stop blaming yourself and your partner. Today is a new day – and the past is GONE. If you stay stuck in your anger, resentment and sadness of the past, it then owns and controls you, and you will never move forward or have relationship and life happiness. Be dedicated to finding a great Relationship or Life Coach and celebrate your new beginning – that of reaching your individual and relationship goals and dreams while living a purpose-filled life!
Riana Mine, MA, is a Certified, world-wide Relationship, Love & Life Coach, published author, motivational speaker, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Cert Addictions Professional at Therapy by the Sea; 15300 Jog Rd, Suite 109, Delray Beach. Her free App: My Relationship Coach offers more articles and her books, LIVE Beyond Your Dreams – from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success, and LOVE Beyond Your Dreams – Break Free of Toxic Relationships to Have the Love You Deserve addresses relationships with yourself and others. To learn more about Riana’s Life or Love Coaching programs or suggest a topic, go to Riana’s website, www.RianaMilne.com or email RianaMilne@gmail.com. Worldwide Coaching Phone: (201) 281-7887. Delray office: (561) 701-8277; Skype Coaching and FB: coachrianamilne. #LoveCoach, #LifeCoach, #RelationshipCoach, #SinglesCoach