posted on November 19, 2013

Treat Every Day as if it Were Your Last

Dear Riana:

I am a 53 year old man and contemplating divorce. I have 23 years invested, and my children are grown and on their own. Although I feel like my “soul has died” I stand to loose a lot of properties and material wealth I have built over the years by my own hard work if I choose to divorce. I feel stuck, unhappy, and like I am living out a prison sentence. My wife is controlling, angry, bitter, threatens to divorce me daily, puts me down, and screams at me all the time. She has even physically attacked me on several occasions. She has had the luxury of being an at-home mother with incredible comforts. I am also afraid of moving on and being alone. Is this all I should expect in return, and all I have to look forward to in my “golden years” of life?

Just Miserable…and Stuck in Northfield


Dear Miserable: 

Being that we are soon embarking on the 5th anniversary of the 9/11 World Trade Center Tragedy, I want to again remind you of the powerful lesson it should have taught all of us — that life is short! It is a tremendous gift, and every day of life we have been granted should be appreciated, and lived with love. Sure, we will have our tests, trials, and tribulations, but to live each day in misery when you have the Choice to Live with love and gratitude – must be examined. You are concerned about your material items you may loose – what price can you put on freedom, self-esteem, happiness, and inner peace? These feelings are worth everything, and nothing material can come close to happiness when you don’t have love and respect with your partner. I’m sure you tried to stay married to do the right thing. Remember you made a vow to love your partner, but not to be emotionally or physically abused and controlled by her. You made a commitment to her, but it’s not a life sentence. If you haven’t tried Couples Counseling, now is the time to get real with your wife and ask that she go. If she refuses, seek counseling for yourself to help clarify the meaning in life and to help get you through the transition of divorce. You may suffer some material losses, but they can be made up, or better yet, truly reflect within your soul to determine how important these material things really are. Simplify your life and free yourself to be able to receive love from another willing partner. You say you are afraid of being lonely – there are plenty of singles your age out there looking for love just like you! Don’t be afraid! The brief pain of divorce will soon be behind you, and now you have the power and freedom to choose again. Therapy will ensure that you have reflected on your marriage and the mistakes you made so that they may be corrected and you learn to be a more open, honest, and loving partner in the future. As you reflect on your life and your role within relationships, say a prayer for those lost on 9/11, our soldiers today fighting for our freedom throughout the world, count your blessings, and ask for the strength it takes to move forward in your own personal freedom. You have the gift to be able to choose love, respect and peace, where our fellow sacrificed Americans on September 11th did not.  



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