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posted on November 18, 2013

Honesty & Integrity for Couples

The two top essential qualities for a lasting relationship are Honesty and Integrity. It is the best gift you can give your partner, and yourself.  Respect, Kindness, Concern and Support are also top n the list for old world values and common courtesies that make all the difference in a loving last relationship, or one that fails with time.

It takes TWO people, doing the right things to make a relationship last today. Temptations abound with such free and easy access to cheating, secrets and lies through the use of internet porn and dating sites.

Work, children’s schedules, house chores, and individual interests have become more important than cherishing one’s partner. I often hear, “I want to feel like I did when we first fell in Love.” And I have to ask in return, “Are you treating your partner the same way when you first met? And if not, why not?” Then I ask both partners what do they each need to change and do differently to rekindle their love for one another? New intimacy levels usually have to be re-established first. Men tend to want to jump right to having sex to re-connect, and women need to feel close and respected with daily support, affection and kindness to connect and feel sexual.

Men and women’s sexual brain centers are different – so it’s important that you know how to best romance your partner to bring them to closer intimacy levels. Women have sex with the brain first – meaning, she needs to be away from her “to do” list, the home, TV, her kids and work; and have the time and space to focus on only herself and her partner. A mother needs to reconnect with her “woman-self” first, before feeling sexual, so getting her away from the kids is important. Give her the chance and time to dress up for you – her date – and to feel special to you again. Talk about special memories, and future goals, and be sure keep all negative topics away from the time spent on your date.

Men like to be sexual to make sure their woman still loves and desires them. Men can get sexual quickly (7x the sexual center in the brain then a woman); so men feel unloved when a woman says, “No” sexually too many times. She doesn’t mean to reject her man, it’s just that often her brain is not connecting yet with her body, and therefore the sexual desire is not yet there. Now, she can “fake it”, thus giving you both a bad experience, or men, you can learn her “best time” for intimacy and be sure to get her out on dates ideally twice a week (one casual, one more formal).

These are just some tips on sexual intimacy – however, without the core gifts of daily trust, honesty, integrity, kindness, concern, respect and support within the household, intimacy will never come. The majority of women are equal breadwinners, and work just as long, or even longer hours than her spouse. Therefore, all household chores and childrearing efforts need to be equally split. Men that “get this” have much more love and sex in their lives, because their women are happier, supported, appreciative and less tired. A more involved man understands her stress, and they are empathetic to each others’ needs. This team approach to “getting things done” help the couple to have more alone time to connect and be intimate.

An involved partner is an EVOLVED person. Integrity is the basis of a fabulous relationship – living as a Team – “You and Me Against the World” – and letting no one penetrate your relationship or get “too close.” Affairs often start as two people becoming friends; removing the conversation, trust and intimacy of the primary relationship away from your partner or spouse.

Integrity means you do the right thing when no one is looking, defend your partner and your relationship to the end, and don’t get too close to another person of the opposite sex.  Watch your boundaries. You have a “feeling” when someone is flirting or starting to get to close to you – that is the time to tell them you are married, or exclusive, and just “not interested.”

If you BOTH do this, then no one can penetrate the Love relationship. You also must discuss your needs in a loving way, date on a regular basis, be supportive, kind, attentive and honest, and then you will have the gift of a fabulous, life-long relationship!

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