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posted on February 17, 2014

Choose Carefully for Confidence in Love Relationships

Photo by http://www.flickr.com/photos/chantelbeam/  Choose Carefully for Confidence in Love Relationships  – Riana Milne, LMHC, CAP, Cert Life & Relationship Coach

“Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come ninety percent of your happiness or misery.”  – H. Jackson Brown, Jr. from Life’s Little Instruction Book

This quote is so incredibly true! When you’re in a happy, loving, supportive and honorable relationship, you feel a sense of confidence and bliss each and every day. But if you are single and frustrated trying to find that special someone, or separated and going through a painful divorce, you can feel exhausted, anxious or depressed. Life is too short to be unhappy, and I am here to help you have a positive mind-set, no matter your circumstances.

With the celebration of an anniversary, feelings of love and connection, along with a renewed energy and a fresh chance to choose to have a healthy love life, is considered. Yes, there is an art to having an incredible relationship which begins with choosing an evolved partner. With knowledge, comes personal power and confidence. Many people choose a mate based on “chemistry,” which is way down on the list of importance for a stable, loving and lasting relationship. It is true that men must be attracted first to fall in love, and women must feel secure to be able to commit, these traits are hardwired into our reptilian, or “old brains” from cave men and women times. So these traits must be acknowledged. However, it is imperative that you look deep within someone’s soul to see who they really are, and take the time to learn about someone’s character before becoming too emotionally or romantically involved.

Some of the most important evolved characteristics you are looking for in someone include: integrity (doing the right things when no one is looking), honesty, dependability, an open communicator, has regular mood management, is responsible, generous, kind, respectful, socially confident, intelligent, hard-working, faith/spiritual-based, trustworthy, has sound values, and is supportive of your dreams and goals. It takes time to see if you have a shared vision for your future. Each person must have a solid plan for their  own future as well, including financial security. While looking for someone with these traits, ask yourself, do you have them? If not, it is important to get life and relationship coaching to become your best self to attract the finest mate into your life. Due to childhood circumstances, you may have anxiety, depression, an addiction or attachment problem, or even a codependency issue that needs to be addressed before you start dating. You may have inherited Borderline or Bipolar traits, or other genetic predispositions that must be addressed or need medication. 

Chemistry can make you want to connect intimately with someone too quickly, then you later feel crushed if they dump you after a romantic interlude. Codependency, is a trait that makes you people-please, and over-do for a new, existing, or a partner with addiction or anger issues, loosing yourself and your personal boundaries in the process. Or, you make be stuck in a repetitive pattern of choosing charming, romantic mates, only for them to take advantage of you, then leave. Examining your relationship patterns takes time, and a good relationship and life coach can get you confident and knowledgeable to change these destructive habits and help you to be an evolved, healthy person who is able to choose the right partner for a loving, positive relationship.

There is something called “the 90 day rule” where you should not get too intimately involved before really getting to know someone’s true character. Knowing what to exactly choose for an evolved, well-rounded partner is one aspect of relationship success, the other, is knowing the red warning flags of personality problems, so if they occur, you notice them immediately. These toxic personality traits are clearly explained in my book, LOVE Beyond Your Dreams – Break Free of Toxic Relationships to Have the Love you Deserve, which is on amazon and in Barnes & Noble stores. 

Very often, in the romance stage of a relationship, lust blindness makes you to quick to forgive massive infractions that are key clues to major character flaws. Knowing what to look for, and why, helps build your confidence when selecting a life partner. Choose to really get to know someone, and to only commit to a relationship that makes you feel ecstatic yet safe, blissful yet secure. Your partner should be your best friend before you commit. Don’t rush into a relationship; instead, take your time to build a solid, quality, trusting friendship. You will consciously and confidently be aware whether this new partner could be the future star of your nightmares or the amazing lover of your dreams!

Riana Mine, MA, is a Certified, world-wide Relationship, Love & Life Coach, #1 Best Selling Author, motivational speaker, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Cert Addictions Professional at Therapy by the Sea; 15300 Jog Rd, Suite 109, Delray Beach. Her free App: My Relationship Coach offers more articles and her books, LIVE Beyond Your Dreamsfrom Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success, and LOVE Beyond Your Dreams – Break Free of Toxic Relationships to Have the Love You Deserve addresses relationships with yourself and others. To learn more about Riana’s Life or Love Coaching programs or suggest a topic, go to Riana’s website, www.RianaMilne.com or email RianaMilne@gmail.com. Worldwide Coaching Phone: (201) 281-7887. Delray office: (561) 701-8277; Skype Coaching and FB: coachrianamilne.  #LoveCoach,   #LifeCoach, #RelationshipCoach,  #SinglesCoach

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